Couch to 5 Feet... of snow. :)

That's it. I'm ready to ski...

In other news... I'm sleeping at the office again tonight... and just a peek into how ridiculous I am... I actually got excited about coming back in. Granted, that loses it's luster after about a 1/2 hour of staring at the computer and doing cancellation data entry... but there is a weird little adrenaline rush out of it all.

Anyway... in exercise news... today I shoveled. Nuff said.

Couch 2 5 K Week 2 Day 1, Beginnings of a Blizzard

I'm writing this blog in my froggy fleece pajamas, in my office with the lights out and the air mattress pumped up and ready to go. It's been snowing for a while now, I'm not sure how many inches we've gotten, but a few of us have decided to hunker down for the night so we can take care of the radio station bright and early.

I was able to break away from "snow crew" for a couple of hours at the end of the day and made it to the gym. Sadly, when I went to turn on my ipod, I realized that it wasnt working (hopefully just needs a charge) so I did my run counting in my head... 90 seconds of running, 120 seconds of walking... I'm sure it wasn't quite what it should have been... but I got a run in and also did some sit ups and push ups. No blizzard is keeping me down :)

Sunny Sunday, Couch 2 5K Run 3 Woo Hoo

Yesterday was a beautiful day... I was sooo thankful for a break from snow crew... and for church. The drive was snowy and sunny and gorgeous... I was excited for worship and it was a really great service. I felt power when I sang and there was a great time of spontaneous worship where everyone seemed to be flowing on the same wave.

After church I headed to the gym prepared to do my 3rd run in the program and finish out week one. While I was changing in the locker room I heard, "Hey, there's a Stacey" and my friend Shirley was there. I ended up joining her for "Jazzercise" and then going for my run. Jazzercise was not quite as "jazz hands" as I expected.. it was a fine work out but nothing like Body Jam as far as level of intensity for me. I'd do it again for a Sunday workout, but not sold...

Shirley joined me for the 3rd installment of my running program. Hooray. The track at the gym was more crowded than normal, but that's my only complaint. It was fun to run with a partner, though I think I might be more apt to push harder when I go by myself. The run was fun. I could talk and run at the same time. I'm ready for week 2. WOO HOO.

Last night I went to a fun Superbowl party... I watched none of the game, ate and talked and then snuck out early to go swing dancing... it was a small crowd with just the right people there for a great night...

Tonight... Body Jam... Tomorrow... more snow.

Blizzard 2010

It came. It snowed. It conquered. Wow.

So I was right about the plans getting canceled, but was reminded that snow days actually mean no down time for me... oh well... i guess there can be worse things than having to be online all day for work. :)

Funny story from today. I went out for a round of shoveling the sidewalk, only to head back in and realize I had locked myself out. ZOINKs. After attempting to shove the front door open and slightly freaking out, I made my way around to the back of the house. The door to the kitchen wouldn't budge so I headed to the roof and thankfully was able to get the window open... Wooo hoo. Let me tell you, though... there was a lot of snow on that roof (which I should go shovel)... and it is freaky walking on a roof when you can't see it through the snow. But I got in and all is well.

I love the snow. It's a lot different when you are an adult though, But it's not all bad. I work with a great team. Everyone pitches in to get things done... I've worked a pretty long day today, but someone stepped up so I don't have to tomorrow like I was supposed to. Woo Hoo... and not all my plans got ruined. Soon, my brother and sister in law will be over for dinner... there's food ready to be eaten, including some chocolate chip cookies that I may or may not have sampled 2 or 3 of while they were warm... oops... then back to work

Couch to 5 K Week one, 2nd Run and stuff

Today started off with a burst... I made it to my 1 hr "Body Pump" class at the gym and then ran my 2nd of 3 runs for the week for the Couch to 5K. I definitely was feeling ready to be done by the last couple of intervals... but it wasn't too bad... Woo hoo.

It was a good feeling to get so much done so early... I even made it to the grocery store before work... although the place had been ravaged by the blizzard buyers... I honestly was just out of food... I would have gone today snow or no snow... :) (and there was plenty of bread and milk... but not so much on the produce... interesting... New Years resoluters?)

We're supposed to get blasted with a blizzard... all my weekend plans are up in the air, but I actually don't mind. Some free time/down time/spontaneous city fun is on the horizon... and some extra hours at work for snow crew... wee.

Couch to 5 K Day One Week One

I'm 35 and I've NEVER been a runner. Ever. or a jock of any sort. I played basketball in 8th grade and was no good. I tried summer camp with field hockey but nope. Sixth grade soccer... I was a sweeper, I think it's called... defense... little to no running required. I could walk all day... but running was my enemy. Later in life, well lets just say I was carrying a lot around to try to run with... and actually it was the furthest thing from my mind.

Welp... last summer I had tried to challenge myself to mix some running in with my walking, but didn't have a ton of success... mostly because I was doing it for the wrong reasons, I think. So, recently when I was walking and threw in some runs, I noticed that i could run much further without almost dying. :)

Well, my friend Erica had told me about this couch to 5k podast program, and I was interested. Today I plugged in my ipod and hit the sidewalks. (by the way, re-thinking the whole cut off sweats thing on a cold/snowy day... my legs are very red).

So anyway, I did it! It's intervals of walking 90 seconds/running 60 seconds for like half an hour or so. It was actually fun and the minutes didn't seem that long. I'm excited. I don't know how faithful I'll be with the program considering that I am going to classes at the gym 2-3 x a week and dancing 2-3x a week... but I'm going to keep challenging myself to incorporate running into my lifestyle and workouts and who knows, you may just see me out there at one of those 5ks in the future!

I know so many people and I love so many people... then there are people I think gee, I want to know you, how can I know you? How CAN I? There are only 24 hours in a day. How do we love the people we need to love well enough in that amount of time? Only by God's grace, that's for sure. I think about the conversations I have and realize that I need to be so much more present... conversations with friends, family, God... I'm so easily distracted and so often unaware of the needs of the people around me...while so selfishly aware of my own needs, desires, agendas. Again, like I said in a previous post... may I be more present in each moment.

This Sunday we sang "Fling wide the doors to my soul, open up the door to my heart have your way" to God... and yesterday I think He said alright then... here we go... yesterday I think God started asking me if I was willing to change my plans for vacation in the spring... To be continued...

What is it about sad songs that I love so much? I'm in love with the blues... because I can feel the song in my bones, in my inner core, practically. Some songs feel like a prayer to me... like the Yael Naim song "Lonely"... it literally rips me apart... it's such a slow moving song. I'm going to try to learn to sing it, but it's going to take a lot of restraint to sing it properly. But back to the point.. the blues... relating to someone else's pain, diving into it and saying, " I feel you" maybe? The groove of the music, definitely... and dancing to it... oh dancing to the blues is amazing to me... because you have to feel the music and the connection with your lead. I like to close my eyes and figure out how the music and the very slight movements of the lead are trying to to move me. Being moved by music...yeah, I love it.

My first inclination is not usually to pray. It's to do. To help. To fix. To listen. To discuss. To make you smile or laugh or anything... I have to fight my flesh and fight it and fight it. I know in my head that I can't fix anything... especially this, but I stew, and text, and write and cry and wonder... then I pray. So backwards.

I want to suck the pain out... like they tell you to do when a person gets a venomous snake bite... suck out the pain and spit it out...

I know the medicine doesn't always taste sweet right away... sometimes there is bitterness first. I know that masking the taste doesn't help... but I want to do something more.

I feel like I'm sitting behind a soundproof window screaming.

I know it is not for me to fix, because it has already been done. I know that the pain is being carried, the load lightened, the heart healed, the wounds cleansed... I'm thankful for that.

For now I'll pray, and hope and cry for you and wait for the day that things look brighter, taste better, and you feel that peace that is already within you.

Needing Connection

It's interesting when certain words/themes start to repeat themselves in our lives. I've seen this happen from time to time... maybe I've even blogged about it before. The word connection has become more and more significant recently.

Several months ago when we were re-forming our small group of friends from church to organize for our next round of life and Bible Studies... we came up with the name "Connection." We needed a name for our group for the purposes of getting the word out at church, etc and rather than being the... "older than young adults group"... this is what we came up with. For us, our "small group" is all about connecting... coming together as friends, sharing food, ideas, dreams, prayers, life, and reading scripture together and discussing it.

Have I mentioned before that I love to dance?? Oh yeah, it's all I've been talking about lately. Well, in partner dancing... connection is key. You have to physically connect. This is how the lead communicates to the follow and the follow responds. There should be a degree of emotional/soul connection so eye contact helps too. When you have connection, you can move across the dance floor together with ease. When you are not connected... it is obvious... you both feel it and anyone watching can tell. Connection is key. This connection involves a physical tension and giving and receiving.

Connection is also a necessity spiritually.

John 15: ⁵"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. ⁶If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. ⁷If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. ⁸This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

We need to be connected to our source... to God, to His Word, to His Spirit. It's crucial to our survival, productivity and happiness.

I am made to be connected. It requires tension, time, contact, giving, receiving, togetherness... but it is good.

Presence/Presents

As it's getting closer to the holidays... Thanksgiving, Christmas, the beginning of a new year, and as I'm at the end of a very intense and heart changing conference at my church... I find myself thinking about a lot of things a lot differently.

One phrase that's been going through my head is Presence Not Presents. This year, not just because of the economy (though I admit, financially I can't afford much) I want to focus on Presence not presents. I know you are thinking, yes... Keep Christ in Christmas... it's not about the gift, but the giver... and yes that is true... but I'm thinking on a couple of other wavelengths here, too.

Presence

• I want to be really emotionally/mentally present no matter where I am... at work, at fun gatherings, at church, in prayer, at the grocery store, in the shower... I don't want to be thinking ahead to the next event, the next to do list, the next song or dance or the next vacation.
  

• I want to truly abide in the presence of God... as His. I want His presence to fill me and to be the driving force in my life. I don't like that song Jesus Take the Wheel very much, but that's what I want. For me to take the backseat and for Him to drive as I yield to His Presence.
  

• I want to literally be present with the people I love. I can't wait to go home and see my mom and dad and relatives and give them a big hug at Christmas. I'm excited to celebrate Thanksgiving with my friend Wendy and with my small group. I have gained a whole new circle of friends through swing dancing and I look so forward to all the fun things planned for the next several weeks as we dance the nights away into the New Year!!! I love the way our office really can enjoy each other all the time, but especially during this season with the special events we do. We make a point of being with each other.
  

Sure, I have some shopping and gift giving planned. But I truly hope that I will be more conscious of my presence, your presence and His presence as I go through this season of celebration!

My Blog is Pink

The girls in my small group got together this past weekend for a tea... tea and testimonies. It was a great day to enjoy each others company, great food... and girly things. I like being a woman. There was a time that I think I tried to downplay it because of my insecurities... not that I was a tom-boy or anything but I think because I felt unattractive I just didn't "go there" so I said I hated pink and girly things... but I really don't know that that was ever true... I guess we all went through the grunge phase... or many of us did... wearing flannels, and just being fairly blah... but I think this was deeper rooted for me.

So now my blog is pink and I like it...and I am happy with who I am.

I've come a long way

So, I'm feeling pretty encouraged these days. It started with falling in love with dancing and is gaining momentum as I've also fallen in love with going to the gym. I found these old IDs from when i was at my heaviest... now this was before my surgeries back in 04 and 05... and I was on steroids... but I was also frequenting Friendly's and pretty much living my life sitting on the couch or in bed watching t.v.

I'll be 35 in December and I can safely say I'm probably at my healthiest ever... (I've weighed less, but I'm talking overall"... hoping and praying to keep heading in this direction!!! Thank you God for your mercy and grace!!!

i can have a blog, i have thoughts!

I saw Julie and Julia last night with some friends and loved it. I hadn't been to the movies in a while until last Friday when I saw 500 Days of Summer and then Julie and Julia last night. Loved both. I want the soundtrack from 500 Days for sure.

I loved Julie's line that I titled my blog with. It was so sweet. I do have to laugh at my blogging sometimes. We are a funny culture... wanting so badly to share our thoughts with others in outlets like blogs, facebook, twitter... either fantasizing that someone is going to read our writing and find us to be genius or be on the other extreme thinking surely I can write my deepest darkest secrets and surely noone will ever see them...

But back to the movies... I haven't had time to see too many lately... but it sure is fun to just sit back and be transported somewhere else for a couple of hours. 500 Days of Summer was great because I laughed and cried... it was fantastical in some ways yet more realistic than most "love stories" which this movie adamantly reminds you it is NOT a love story. (but it is, sorta). And like I mentioned before... GRRRREAT soundtrack.

I was warned to be sure and eat before watching Julie and Julia and it's true. (though eating pizza wasn't the best choice knowing my intestinal fortitude is not up to par these days). But I digress... seriously... (although what does that phrase really mean)... Anyway... lots of eating and cooking and butter being slathered willy nilly. mmm. I feel like cooking. But it was more than cooking, of course. Real human struggles with finding self, relationships,balance.... I loved Amy Adams and Meryl Streep... and Stanley Tucci and Chris Messina... Big crush on Chris, for sure. :) and Jane Lynch totally cracked me up as Julias sister.

And now... blogging about a movie about blogging about food has made me hungry. :)

So Much To Learn

The other night at swing dancing... my recent addiction and passion, I was dancing with a fairly seasoned dancer and got out of step. I told him, "sorry, still learning" and his response to me was "i'm still learning, too".

I've been thinking about that a lot today. It was comforting then and it's comforting now. It's ok to get out of step once in a while.

Finding Rest

Today it broke. The stiff upper lip, the "I'm ok facade", the guard I put up. God took it. I sooo needed that. Not that anything is necessarily, literally, wrong... I just realized how tired I am... physically, emotionally, spiritually... definitely spiritually... because I have not rested in Him in so long. Sure I've rested... I slept for a ridiculous number of hourse when I got home from Purple Door and the nights following... but I haven't gotten rest that you get from drinking from a cool perfect life giving spring... until today.

I"m thankful that no matter how many times i cycle through and remember what I keep forgetting that God brings me back where I need to be.

He is satisfied with me. My weak and screwed up body that I don't understand how to take care of. My stubborn, lazy, selfish self. He gets me. He made me. He leads me to become better. I can rest in that. I MUST rest in that.

It's In My Blood

Ever since I was a little girl I have loved to dance. I took tap and ballet for a few years and even did a tap solo to the song "Birth of the Blues" complete with cartwheels and kicks. Yes, I was the shiz (only in my mind and my parents). (Thank you Jesus I don't have to don a tutu for swing dancing.)

Dancing is in my blood... on my dad's side of the family every family wedding and many of the larger family reunions included a band or dj getting us all out on the dance floor... jive, two step, polka, whatev... My parents went out dancing when I was a kid...and they grew up going to "dances" as teenagers... I loved dancing with my father and uncles and cousins and still do. I hope someday to have a wedding like the ones I grew up with... One big celebration with LOTS of dancing.

Between college and "life" there had been several years where there wasn't as much dancing in my life, besides going out with my cousin when I visited home, for no other reason than it didn't come up. Lately, though, my love for dancing has returned and I'm finding tons of opportunities between the swing dancing community (I've been going a couple times a week), line dancing, and the promise of heading somewhere local to "just dance" (just have to find the "right" place.

I'm having a blast. I'm thankful to be at a place in my life where I can enjoy this... and thinking back to where I was at in life last year realizing I could have missed this... and so it's another reason to be thankful for God's timing.

VT/PA and the things I love

Home in Vermont. It's sooo nice. So peaceful. I wish I could live in two places at once.

Things I love about my home in Vermont:

family and friends
peace and quiet
slower pace
wild animals (since I've been home I've seen many deer, 2 turkeys, a hummingbird, the swallow and it's babies in their nest on the porch, kittens that showed up in my parents barn)
the lilacs and honeysuckle growing in the woods
4 wheeler rides
familiarity
Lake Champlain
various small bodies of water (rivers, lakes, ponds)
sitting out on the porch
skiing
hiking
driving around looking for deer
being taken care of
walking out the door and into the woods if I want to
how around every corner memories are triggered
the patio
being able to help mom and dad


Things I love about my home in PA
family and friends
accesibility of fun things to do (music events, coffee shops, local pubs, swing dancing, line dancing, etc)
the Church at large
my church family
my apartment/space
my roommate
independence
walking Lancaster City
accesibility to things I need (can walk somewhere to get milk, market, bandaids, etc)
proximity to other places to visit (Philly, DC (though I've never explored there), NYC, etc.