How to Not Miss Out

Ever since I was little I have had the tendancy to worry about missing something.  If I was outside playing i wondered what conversation, snack or tv show were they enjoying inside?   Go to bed?  NO WAY!  Not if there is a cool babysitter over doing all the cool things that babysitters SURELY do when the kids go to bed.  Etc, etc.

I still struggle with this.  Since I am involved with a lot of different streams of people, there are often times when there are 3 or 4 events going on at a time that I would like to be a part of.  A party, dance, special service, outting, etc, etc.  Many times I will try to figure out how to map my routes, schedule my time and coordinate my wardrobe so that I can make as many things as possible in an effort not to miss anything.  The thing that I've found, though, is that by doing so... I often find myself having to leave mid conversation, just as the fun is started, and then arrive at the next place just as things are winding down, etc etc...so in essence... I make it everywhere, but miss out everywhere, too.

I'm trying to learn to be content and be present where I am.  Do I still have evenings that I go to more than one place?  Sure... but at some point tonight,  though I knew I could still make it out to a certain dance after the picnic I was at;  I decided not to watch the clock but to fully engage in the conversations and to finish the evening with the people I started it with.  I had a great time, got to know some friends better and was able to relax and enjoy the evening just being present.

I want to enjoy every moment, especially the one I'm already in.  By doing that, I won't miss anything, really...or if I do, it won't really matter will it?!

This morning when I went to pick up my packet for the Red Rose Run tomorrow ( a 5 mile race in my city) I ran into a man that I hadn't seen in a while.   We were making small talk and talking about running, etc. when he said, "Yeah, you used to be heavy, didn't you".  For some people that would not go over well, but it was encouraging to me.  :)   It's great to know that the change is noticeable.

Little Things

Two seemingly little things just happened as I was just leaving the gym:

1. a little girl and her mom were walking up the steps in front of me and the little girl was singing a song about how much she loves her mommy and loves to love her mommy.  The mom said, that's the best song I have ever heard.  I agreed.
2. as I was filling my water bottle one of my Jam instructors came up to me and enthusiastically complimented me.  I left there feeling so accomplished and proud.  

The little things matter.  Kids, tell your parents you love them.  Parents tell your kids how much that means.  Teachers, encourage your students.  Students, keep pressing on. 

Encouraged.

Changed

As I was leaving the gym this morning I thought to myself, "if you would have told me a couple of years ago that one of the best things about taking Fridays as my vacation days was going to be getting to take my favorite class (Les Mills Body Jam) at the gym an extra time each week... well that wouldn't have even been in my realm of thinking.  If you would have even suggested that running in local 5K races would have become a hobby for me ...  I don't think I even would have known what the length of a 5K was, to be honest.  (math...or gym were never my strong subjects)

What has happened?  I have changed.  This is not something that I could have done myself.  To me, it's nothing short of a miracle.  You have to understand (and many readers here know)... I have been out of shape my entire life.  Between genetics, loving to eat, being waaaay laid back, and my struggles with Ulcerative Colitis and Thyroid Disease... it was so hard, maybe more emotionally than physically.

I have changed.  God has changed me.  I can say that with my whole heart.  Thank you God for changing my mind... from one who says I can't to one who says I am going to challenge myself to do that.   You know what,  this is yet another proof to me that my God answers prayer.  If I looked back through my journals, I know that there were time after time that I prayed and asked God for help with my health, with my weight, with my motivation, with my confidence.   He does answer, and I'm so thankful.


I am registered to run the OBX Half Marathon with my good friend Melody Strayer this November.  I have my training calendar all ready to go (it kicks in in August) and until then I'll be trying to add miles to my typical 3-4 mile runs each week layered in with the classes that I take at the gym and of course dancing as much as I can.  I know that I will be counting on God to help me stretch my endurance, increase my motivation and literally change my body as I go through this process. 

I appreciate your prayers and encouragement along the way, too.  

(I post all of my runs on RunKeeper and Dailymile.com and share them on Facebook, ad nauseum, perhaps to some... but it's my way of keeping myself honest with how much/how far/how fast I'm running.)

Love Don't Come Easy?

I was listening to Adele yesterday and in one of her songs she says "I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart". I paused. Hm. For me, it is the opposite.

I went into the supermarket the other day to get some soup and a banana for lunch. (Man do I need to go grocery shopping). As I was walking in I saw seasonal decorations, mums, some sort of smelly potpourri, and pumpkins... but wait... double take... the pumpkins were all painted.

Now, maybe I'm old fashioned, but isn't the fun part to get the pumpins and then painting or carving them out yourself? Please tell me parents aren't buying the pre-done Elmo pumpkin instead of painting their own.

Sigh.

I'd rather be reconciled than be right. (as long as it lines up with scripture)

People are not dispensable.

Guard your heart, but don't build walls to do so.

Love with all your heart and love the way you hope to be loved.

Honesty is healing. Openness cultivates honesty.

Summer

Along you came

With sunshine in your smile

Let’s live for the moment

Take one day at a time

Those longer days

You sidled up to me

I was comfortable there

In that warmth and safety

Before I could blink

No time to catch my breath

Your sunshine is gone

With the falling of leaves

An Introduction

I’d like to introduce you to my friend

There’s a lot to tell

Let’s start here:

I know a man

(He’s a poet)

With pen in hand

He says so much

You should read it!

This same man,

(A soulful one)

Likes Coldplay and Coletrane

The Word of God and Mark Twain

You should meet him!

This man I know

(A gentle one)

Treats ladies with respect

And children with love

He impresses me.

The merry gentleman

(He’s a fine one)
likes apple pie

Night walks in July

He showed me My Fair Lady!

This friend of mine

(He’s a good one)

Enriching life

In so many ways

I’m so thankful.

Let me introduce you to my friend

There’s a lot to know.

Let’s start here.

I''m soaking you up
oh day of rest
of sun and light
of dog and couch

I'm letting you in
you hopeful song
I've cried. I've cheered
You've moved me.

I raise my glass
to this afternoon
no thinking ahead
or longing today

I'm soaking you up
you day of rest
you've been a long time coming.

Thoughts on Walls

With relationships, there are always going to be walls/veils/fences to knock down, climb over, crawl under, lift up. Both yours and theirs! Love is that decision you make every time you come to one of these. It's you deciding it's worth it to press through...or wait until they are ready for you to.

Body or Machine

This morning I was thinking about the body... people... family...specifically in relation to a ministry/business that has been close to my heart. I was ... well... showering this morning and I was trying to gather my scattered and confusing thoughts.

My conclusion was that I don't want to and was not made to be part of a machine. We are a created body. God designed us to be so. We need each other. When "we" become a machine... it is a man made monstrosity. When we think we can just unscrew the knee joint or detach the arm or spleen we are sadly mistaken. As a body we will bleed.

I like to watch this life take shape.
seeing what comes back around
those damn boxes we create
broken down, we break them down

Its fun to watch the puzzle form
pieces gathered one by one
the holes will one day all be filled
when it's done, yes when we're done.

Dog Sitting

just you and me kid
sacked out on the floor
wandrin' round the town
taking in the smells
no care in the world
just you and me kid
yeah, just you and me

just you and me dude
spooning on the bed
patio breakfast
chomping on our ice
no care in the world
just you and me dude
yeah, just you and me

On the roof

I breathe it in
the air
the city
here on my roof

They took a chance
to dream
to love
here on my roof

He held her gaze
her hand
her heart
here on my roof

A sunny day
a breeze
a book
here on my roof

A breezy night
a laugh
a nod
here on my roof

Come find me here
come sit
come stay
here on my roof

A Bad Dream

I've been having some stress related dreams lately... and not getting the best nights of sleep.

Last night I had 2 nightmare-ish dreams. One between midnight and 3:00 am, the other after 4:00 am. The first one I can't remember very well. The second one is very vivid.

I was parking my car on my block in the city. A car pulled up trying to park and I noticed that the space in front of me wasn't big enough so I backed up and motioned for them to come in. Then 3 guys jumped out of their car and into mine... basically attacking me. The one sat on top of me. Somehow I was in the passenger seat... dreams are weird. Anyway, they were being really mean and awful and the one guy said he has had to listen to me and my friends laughter outside of his apartment for too long and he's not going to take it anymore. The next thing I remember was being out of the car on the street and somehow either pushing or punching the one guy so hard he smashed his head on the sidewalk... and died. I don't know what happened to the other guys and don't remember much of the rest of the dream.

When I woke up this morning, the first thought that came to me was I am not going to let anybody steal my joy.

If I could fly

I posted a question on my facebook last night asking "if you had a plane and access to go anywhere where would you go and what would be your motivation?". This came from my thoughts yesterday about wanting to be in so many places.

I wanted to be home in VT with my family.

I wanted to be in North Carolina with my friend Karen.

I wanted to be in Ethiopia visiting Senait, visiting my friend Yoseph and encouraging some of the Compassion staff there. Learning more about the beautiful people and culture.

My motivation: seeing people I love

When I have the chance for vacation, I almost always go home to VT... even though there are places within a half days drive from here like Washington DC that I haven't been yet and really do want to tour ... I am so much more motivated to be with the people I love that it's not even really an option. While I'm home, I don't do much besides spend time with my family and key friends.

There are places in the world that I want to go and see like Ireland, Australia, Kenya, etc... but I know I'd be inclined to go back to Ethiopia first ... because my heart is already there with the people.

I'm going to Haiti in October. I've been motivated to go there since before the earthquake... I wanted to go visit/help my friends who live there. Then after the earthquake felt a longing to go and knew there was so much to be done and I am a willing candidate. I know, too, that once I go my motivation will go past my friends and their family into others that I meet. I'm quite sure I'll leave some of my heart there, too and find many more people to love.

As much as my motivation to go places is based on love and people... I need to also be motivated by obedience to God. Which, really, obedience goes hand in hand with love ... and will help me not to miss loving more amazing people across the street or across the globe.

Unity

I got the quote below from our recent prayer focus at Gateway. We were praying for unity in the regional church.

"we are better together and in agreement instead of individual and divided"

Unity: it's needed in teams, our bodies, with dance partners, the church... This is true in so many areas of life. I can't run or dance without my foot in agreement with my body, I can't do my job without my team, and for Christians we don't represent our God well when "the body" is fractured.

For unity to work we have to be going in the same direction. I want to be united with those going in the direction that is pointed toward Love.

Eyes Open/Eyes Shut

I'm sitting in the wifi hot spot here at Sandy Cove while the couples are in their session. I'm helping with worship at a Couple's retreat. I love it because I get the perfect mix of being involved in the worship services and having my own free time. Plus I'm here with Aaron and Sherri and get to spend some time with Stephen and Beth, too.

I got up early enough this morning to catch a picture of the view from my room of "the cove" out here... a beautiful icy sunrise. Right now I'm sitting in front of a wall of windows and looking out on the dock, and can see the line where the ice turns into open water. Just gorgeous. I was thinking about how I'm glad my eyes were open early enough today to catch the sunrise ... and that they are open now; even as I'm typing not even looking at my computer screen.

I love being on worship teams. I have a passion for music and singing. I believe that God is worthy of every ounce of glory, honor and praise we can give and when we raise our voices together I think He finds pleasure in it. When I'm singing, I close my eyes. When I worship, I see better with my eyes shut. I'm just sitting here thinking about what it means to see... the beautiful scenery is appealing to the eyes, but I think it takes more than just eyes to appreciate it. I know that although I can't literally see God when I sing to Him, by closing my eyes and focusing my heart I somehow CAN see Him better.

inspired

I'm learning by experience that the more time I spend reading The Bible and in God's presence ... the more creative I am in my writing and singing.

Yup. No surprise that the creator of the universe inspires me to be more creative. Sometimes I just need to be reminded.