Changing

So I decided that my blog name was ridiculous... so I changed it... from closer to fine to more than fine. It seems slightly more appropriate. I'm so much more than fine. Let's be honest. I'm blessed. Ridiculously and amazingly blessed... come what may.

I just got done google mapping and zooming in on Addis Ababa. I then went and looked at pics that my friends posted from their trip to pick up their beautiful adopted daughter in Ethiopia. I guess I wanted to see some familiar sights that weren't my own pictures. I then re-watched a video from my trip. Tonight I'm going to an Ethiopian restaurant.

My feelings right now are mixed. I saw the need and poverty side of the country. I also saw so much beauty, love, culture, green rolling hills, etc etc. A lot that I hadn't expected to see and connect with. I remember the varied smells of incense, bonfire, charcoal, exhaust, and other smells, sometimes yucky but mostly amazing. I remember that the traffic "patterns" seemed crazy and I couldn't imagine how anyone drove there. I remember being a little nervous every time I entered a different restroom not knowing what I'd find. I remember big brown eyes, high cheek bones, hugs and kisses... people being everywhere, it seemed. I remember feeling very safe because of the leaders of our team both from in and out of country. I remember loving every food I tried... though i admit I didn't try raw beef and probably won't.

I will continue to focus my attention on what Compassion is doing and with more fervor. I'm so so so excited about the opportunities they are giving to the people all over the world...especially my little friend Senait. I'm also taking some time now to think more about how I have been impacted personally by my trip. Now that my responsibility from the work angle is pretty much finished... I have a lot of thoughts to sift through. I still tear up at random times and look forward to opportunities to chat with others who have been or are going to Ethiopia. Confession: I applied for frequent flier miles on Ethiopian Airlines ... just in case. I also look at the people in my own city differently and wonder to myself where home was for them before living here.

I'm looking at the map differently now, too... having never been really anywhere before... the shapes mean something different now. There is a huge map of the world covering a wall at Gateway House of Prayer and I have headed straight for it the last few times I've been there to pray, focusing on Africa, Bangladesh, Haiti, and Albania specifically because of my connections to people there. Some of my prior thinking about giving, need, enough, aid, love, politics, grace, and more is being challenged in good ways.

Now I'm thinking about what's next... both in a day by day way and long term. We were challenged the other week at church to ask God for what we want... Not in the material way... but in the who do I want to be, what do I want to be defined by way. I thought in the direction of love. I want to love with all that I am in whatever way that means. I have a lot of learning and changing to do but I think there are a lot of exciting ways to walk this out. More to come....