The Power of Two

I spend my Saturday mornings at Gateway House of Prayer. I had taken several weeks off ... had been off since my hospital stay earlier this summer until a few weeks ago. (I felt strongly that I needed to find some space on my schedule to not "be" anywhere in particular).

Today I was at Gateway for 4 hours because I was there for my normal 2 hour time block and then stood in for a friend. I have to admit leaving home this morning I wondered how I was going to do with 4 hours pretty much alone with God and my thoughts in an empty room. Though there are several times a week that there are worship teams and other people in the room ... usually Saturday mornings there are only a couple of us at most... many times I'm there alone or singing while my friend plays keyboard.

As expected, I got some CDs set up and headed straight for the wall map with my Bible and journal and began to pray. I knelt down and prayed and wept, was thankful and was pleading... tears, snot and all. After a while... I heard someone come in the room and come over to me. This guy asked if he could join me to agree together in prayer. I said of course and he asked me if I could verbalize what I was praying about ... so I told him I was praying for the nations, especially Ethiopia and Haiti because my heart has been broken for these countries. He admitted that his heart was inclined to pray for families this morning but that he'd follow my lead for a while then take a turn to lead the direction of our prayers. It was awesome. Praying out loud with Joe enabled me to verbalize and express more to God and also to convey what was on my heart to another human being. It was awesome to hear him pray with intensity and catch some passion to pray for Haiti and Ethiopia too. We prayed together at least an hour and a half. When he left, both of our hearts were expanded and we were energized. Not that this was anywhere near the first time for this for me... but this was a morning that I really saw how God used praying together to move us beyond our own agendas and open our eyes to other needs. It also helped fuel my prayers and time with God for the next couple of hours.

Matthew 18: 18-20 “I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.”

Changing

So I decided that my blog name was ridiculous... so I changed it... from closer to fine to more than fine. It seems slightly more appropriate. I'm so much more than fine. Let's be honest. I'm blessed. Ridiculously and amazingly blessed... come what may.

I just got done google mapping and zooming in on Addis Ababa. I then went and looked at pics that my friends posted from their trip to pick up their beautiful adopted daughter in Ethiopia. I guess I wanted to see some familiar sights that weren't my own pictures. I then re-watched a video from my trip. Tonight I'm going to an Ethiopian restaurant.

My feelings right now are mixed. I saw the need and poverty side of the country. I also saw so much beauty, love, culture, green rolling hills, etc etc. A lot that I hadn't expected to see and connect with. I remember the varied smells of incense, bonfire, charcoal, exhaust, and other smells, sometimes yucky but mostly amazing. I remember that the traffic "patterns" seemed crazy and I couldn't imagine how anyone drove there. I remember being a little nervous every time I entered a different restroom not knowing what I'd find. I remember big brown eyes, high cheek bones, hugs and kisses... people being everywhere, it seemed. I remember feeling very safe because of the leaders of our team both from in and out of country. I remember loving every food I tried... though i admit I didn't try raw beef and probably won't.

I will continue to focus my attention on what Compassion is doing and with more fervor. I'm so so so excited about the opportunities they are giving to the people all over the world...especially my little friend Senait. I'm also taking some time now to think more about how I have been impacted personally by my trip. Now that my responsibility from the work angle is pretty much finished... I have a lot of thoughts to sift through. I still tear up at random times and look forward to opportunities to chat with others who have been or are going to Ethiopia. Confession: I applied for frequent flier miles on Ethiopian Airlines ... just in case. I also look at the people in my own city differently and wonder to myself where home was for them before living here.

I'm looking at the map differently now, too... having never been really anywhere before... the shapes mean something different now. There is a huge map of the world covering a wall at Gateway House of Prayer and I have headed straight for it the last few times I've been there to pray, focusing on Africa, Bangladesh, Haiti, and Albania specifically because of my connections to people there. Some of my prior thinking about giving, need, enough, aid, love, politics, grace, and more is being challenged in good ways.

Now I'm thinking about what's next... both in a day by day way and long term. We were challenged the other week at church to ask God for what we want... Not in the material way... but in the who do I want to be, what do I want to be defined by way. I thought in the direction of love. I want to love with all that I am in whatever way that means. I have a lot of learning and changing to do but I think there are a lot of exciting ways to walk this out. More to come....

Ethiopia Adventures

I have been doing most of my blogging at my "work blog" but do plan to do some deeper thinking blogging here, too. For now, please visit this blog for pictures, stories, and more.

Adventure #1

So here I sit at my gate... in Harrisburg, PA... and I've already had an adventure. When I went through security, first of all I forgot to take my laptop out of the case... well then my case was all suspicious. I inherited the bag and it already had a broken handle... so I use the strap to carry, no big deal. Apparently, though... there was a big metal bar in there all dislodged that was part of the support for the handle that broke. It definitely looked suspicious. The guards let me through and tried to pull it off, but agreed that I'd probably have issues the rest of my trip. What to do, what to do? I came to my gate and started fooling with it... possibly making the other passengers wonder what the crap I was doing. So, I walked back over to security to play with it more, hoping for some help. And, yay ... 2 security guys ended up helping me dislodge it... they even opened up the confiscated stuff safe and got some pliers out to help... and it worked.... so the lining of my laptop bag is ripped, but hopefully that will be much less of a suspicious issue than this foot long piece of metal was. :) I think people's prayers are already working... because this would probably have been a much bigger issue later on in the trip. So now I wait to board. I haven't even left PA yet, lol.

Here I Go.

I'm biding my time for the next 54 minutes until Aaron and Sherri pick me up to head to the airport. Today I fly to Africa. Oh. My. Goodness. I'm so excited. I am trusting God to equip me for what I need to do while I'm there. I trust that God will keep me healthy. I trust that He will be with me every step of the way and teach me many things. What an adventure this will be.

This cycle suspicious

Can pain be nutritious?

Life is better felt

Faced and dealt with

not hidden in illusions

mirages

Or masks

Agony Bests Apathy

I’m not gonna lie

And try to tell you

It will only be uphill from here

But this journey, this life

Will end with a friend

Revealing life’s

worth every fear

Reminder of What's Coming!

I have an itchy welt on my left arm reminding me that I'm traveling to a foreign land in a couple of weeks. I got my yellow fever vaccination and my malaria meds... wee. I couldn't believe all the vaccination possibilities there are. Wow. Glad I'm not very fearful otherwise I could have thrown down a ton of cash on all the suggested shots.

It weirds me out a little/makes me sad/confuses me that I have all these vaccines available to me while so many in the world do not. One shot and a few pills and I should be good to go for the most part.

So whew... exciting. I have to admit as each thing has gotten checked off the list I have breathed a sigh of relief. Sometimes when something this amazing comes we (well at least I) can have the tendency to wait for the bottom to drop out of it... not always... I'm pretty optimistic, but still. Fear of disappointment pops up now and again. Getting my Dr's consent signature out of the way was the biggie. YES!!! Take that digestive issues and weird thyroid ... you don't run the show. Seriously, though... so thankful that as God has put a desire in my heart to go and see and learn and impact the world that He is making a way.

Run ragged by the self of me
that doesn’t want to miss a thing
Or a beat
Or get beaten for that matter
By whom or what I don’t know
I’m not competitive really
More contemplative, to be honest
Just don’t want to be the one who isn’t
Or didn’t
Or missed it
Or wasn’t.

I was thinking about my "bag of bills" and other random paperwork that I really need to go through. I've been carrying it around every day, but not doing anything with it... and combined with other thoughts this came out...

************

I know you have regrets that you don’t like to speak of

Worries you can’t quite voice

There’s a weight on your back like a 2x4

You wear it like you have no choice

You don't have to carry them around all the time

Like the bills you just can’t pay

Glancing at the debt every once in a while

Hoping they'll all go away

Like wearing a sling when your arms not broke

Like a bandage without the blood

The burden of the lies you’ve told yourself

Is a blister where no shoe has rubbed

Always -

Last night we had rehearsal with our worship team and it was a really powerful night for me (even after the technical difficulties)... I needed it. I was still thinking about some lyrics to the song "You Won't Relent" when I got home and wrote something...

Many waters
many floods
cannot quench
what always was
ever is
still shall be
an "us" to span eternity

Not one person
No other friend
provides a love
that never ends
never started
always was
Forever with me
Always us.

Happy Anniversary Aaron and Sherri

It was 2 years ago this coming Monday that Aaron and Sherri were married. I will never forget the look that Aaron had on his face when Sherri walked down the aisle... pride, joy, awe, excitement, responsibility... it was really really wonderful to see.

I have loved Sherri since I met her. In fact, when they had just started dating... Aaron told me he could envision Sherri and I being friends even if their dating relationship didn't last. He was right ... I love Sherri. I love the way she loves my brother AND my family. I love that she is the perfect wife for Aaron and that God gave them to each other at just the right time... and since I never had a sister, now I have the next closest thing!!!

I'm so excited for my brother and his wife as they celebrate their anniversary this weekend!!! Praying for all their dreams to keep coming true as they hold them open handed to God.

Seasonal Change

The season is changing
it's felt in the air
in the clouds sky and leaves
everywhere

Time has a pattern
the tick of the clock
it resonates in every step
that we walk

A season is changing
from diner to shore
from rivers and creeks
to a now open door

Expectations of summer
the temperatures past
float down with the leaves
who's color won't last

It doesn't quite matter
how much we prepare
for the change of the season
the weight of the air

All seasons keep changing
for thats what they do
bringing life, bringing death
while cycling through

The passing of time
from minute to day
reminds us that seasons
were not meant to stay

Better Late? Late Better?

I was sitting here thinking about how I'm doing a lot of my most summer-y fun stuff here at the end of the summer. (and thinking I sure wish I had time to play hookie this week). I almost started grumbling and getting sad about it. But you know, I have savored the past couple of weekends. I played in the waves and strolled the boardwalk last weekend like a child (literally was told by my friends that I looked like a little kid in the waves). I swam around in the lake yesterday with my friends children, dove off the dock, drank sangria and delicious blackberry wheat ale, clung to the tube for dear life and had chill, summer fun. I wonder if the water felt more refreshing, the sangria sweeter and the conversations more meaningful because they were extra special? I think maybe. So. I'm going to be glad for those few special summer moments had and the ones still to come the next couple of weeks as I look ahead to Autumn and it's crisp, cool wonderfulness!

***i did have a lot of other fun summer moments... but I LOVE the water so I was mostly referring to the lack of days on the water that I realized I missed. :)

Our message at church this past week by Chris Weber inspired me to write this:

My life’s not up and to the right
In fact most times I’m wrong
To walk a mile in my shoes
To you, may not seem long
An hour can be forever
A year feel like a breath
Each step we take does bring us
One day closer towards our death
Though I am not discouraged
In fact I walk with joy
Though troubles come and life can suck
I never am destroyed
I’m carried through each trial
There’s light down paths I fear
With whispers of forever
Always spoken in my ear
The friend who sees my turmoil
The one who reprimands
Is that same friend who walked it first
In fact He understands
My life’s not up and to the right
Nor neither was my Lords
Who walked this road and paid a price
I never could afford.

Signals

Is it the nose that itches or the eye that twitches
I get confused between the two
Is it you that is thinking of someone
or they who are thinking of you

When my palms get sweaty should I get ready
For good things to come my way
Is the anticipation part of the equation
Allowing the good thing to stay?

The energy, tension, the change of direction
The guessing, the wondering the doubt
The process of knowing, and learning and growing
While trying to reason this out.

Worlds colliding
Intersecting
Ribboned memories
Projecting
Thoughts from your minds movie
Scenes from seas to city streets

You who were
Is someone else
He who was
Is not the same

Life’s like a revolving door
You can’t go back the way you came

Time is breaking
Hearts escaping
Moments, Memories
In the making
Thoughts from your minds movie
Scenes from home to yonder town

What was once important
Is now a fleeting thought
Yesterday’s a day behind
Today is now, tomorrow’s not.

"Getting My Crap Together"

I'm fairly careful with my language ... well, for the most part. I realized this weekend how often I use the word "crap". It became sort of a joke; but I thought... hm, there are far better words I could be using. More descriptive. Funnier. Less that refer to bodily functions. Crap...I don't want to be a potty mouth.

A Song?

Loving You (I picture this being a song building with intensity)

If I could be in charge of just one thing
And it was up to me to choose
My choice would be to love you
To love you. To love you.

If I had one purpose one sure duty
Just one thing for me to do
I’d live my life to love you
Just Love you. Just love you.

I was made for this
I was made for this
I was made for this
I was made for this

I want to be found perfecting What it’s like to give myself to you
I will drop what I am doing just to give to give to give to you.

Perfect this love
Perfect this kiss
This is my purpose
This is my wish.

I was made for this
I was made for this
I was made for this

Flip Flops and Heels... Or... I'm Too Sexy for These Shoes

Yes. I’m writing a blog about shoes… well sort of.

I was thinking about shoes. I LOVE my flip - flops and sandals… I live in them over the summer and probably inappropriately during the other seasons of the year. I like that they are easy. They are comfortable. Don’t require much thought. Easy to take off and put on. Are always there when I want them (usually by my bed or my door). I don’t mind if they get a little dirty/messed up because they are cool with that. They are wonderful.

What about heels? Ok, I am not super dressy, but this girl likes a sexy pair of heels with the right little dress. J They are usually treated with extra care. Exciting. Noticed. Mostly worn with a planned out outfit. I like them. Guys do too. (I think I’ve heard they were designed by men because of how they make women’s legs look. It’s true, they do make our legs look extra great.)

I’ve tried to classify myself… am I a flip-flop or a high heel? You know what? I’m not picking! What’s wonderful about being a woman? You can wear both. You can own both… You can BE both a flip - flop and a strappy heel. You can wear a skirt with flip - flops or a pair of jeans with stilletos. Whichever I wear… I’m just gonna rock em… or just kick them off and have happy, sexy, naked feet.