more love

I want to love better. I am loving but I don't always manifest it. For example... I would tell you that I love everyone... when in fact there are people I don't act loving toward at all. There are people I ignore, laugh at, snub, disdain... what's that all about? My desire in my heart of hearts is to be real and to love authentically. I do realize that I'm not Jesus... His love never fails. Mine will. But I know that it has a lot more potential.

35

Wishing I hadn't waited 35 years to figure it out... and hoping that I keep it up another 35.. or however long I have left to live.

bottomless pit?

Today I feel like I could literally eat a horse. I won't though. :)

reminded again

This morning I had breakfast with my friend Laura. It was great to start my Monday a little late, enjoy some delicious coffee and fruit/yogurt parfait at Prince ST Cafe... but most importantly to sit and talk with Laura.

Laura spent a year in Haiti teaching at the YWAM base in St. Marc. When I shared about God stirring some things in my heart with her about missions (specifically to Haiti) several weeks ago, she was quick to say... we need to sit down and talk. I want to hear all about what God is doing. Laura is so good at encouraging and listening and asking questions. We realized we have some more personality traits in common than we realized as we talked about sometimes getting bogged down by the details (for example I still need to get my passport)... which is step 1. lol.

But it was so good. I made the decision not to look at my watch/phone for the time even though I knew I didn't want to be too late for work... so we were there over an hour and it was good. (I think getting into a culture where you spend less time caring about time would be good for me)

I was reminded to remember what God started stirring in me. To keep it before Him and ask questions. To be open in my spirit to whatever comes next, and to take some time to sit and chat over coffee and forget about the rest of the world and it's pull every once in a while.

Reminded

Last night I went to the Awake Tonight Tour concert. It was the first time in a while I have been to one of "our" concerts. I used to always go... but haven't so much as of late. I think it was really good and important for me to be there. I was reminded to appreciate what I am a part of here at CMI and WJTL.

The concert was so good. All 3 bands were quailty. The stage performances were impressive and high energy... and the message was present. Jesus did not get forgotten amidst all the crazy flames, lights, video and various stage changes. The message was loud and clear.

It's an interesting balance when you work behind the scenes not to forget to appreciate what we are actually doing out there! I don't think it's a bad thing that I don't get out to everything as much as I used to... I've learned the balance of having a life and friends outside of work. :) But, I do think it's key to get out and see what we're doing to remember there are thousands of faces behind the mailings, emails, phone calls, etc. etc. etc.

Yesterday

... could easily have become a bust... My legs were sore from the previous days work out, I felt guilty for eating crap at lunch, I didn't feel super productive at work, had to pay a parking ticket of $45, had to eat humble pie in dropping off my rent check late (and gave it to the babysitter), I hit a curb and busted my tire and had to buy a new one.... uuuuugh.

I also got some news about a friends health that was not really encouraging...

HOWEVER... it was a gorgeous sunny day. My friend Chris who I might as well call my big brother (even though we are not related, and he is younger than me)... helped me change my tire to a spare. This was no easy feat considering how tight and rusty the bolts were!

Oh... and I had the best run of my life... I'm on the 1st Run of Week 5 in my 9 week program... This one was (3) 5 minute intervals of running and I felt great... next run is (2) 8 minutes and the third will be a 20 minute run! Woo Hoo. I felt so alive and happy out there.

Then, at Gateway House of Prayer last night I heard God clearly speaking to my heart, reminding me I am never outside of His Love. Reminding me that my friends are never outside of His love. The suffering in Haiti and all over the world are never outside of His Love.

So, yesterday was trying and frustrating, but also a really really amazing day.

naive or cynical?

I was sitting here at my desk thinking, hmph... (rather smugly)... I'd rather by naive than cynical... and was preparing to get my thoughts together and blog about it... but then I remembered that we are to be "wise as serpents/harmless as doves"... with faith like a child, innocent but not lacking judgement...Hm still processing... but my point was I do NOT ever want to become cynical... that I do know.