Saturday, April 30, 2005

Word Storm

Word Storm

Descending like a hurricane;
a storm of phrases churns through the mind.
As it builds it’s own momentum;
the end result can still be seen,
as through a viewfinder

Fingers race ahead of themselves;
a fury of words has been unleashed.
It settles like Dorothy’s house did;
falling suddenly to the page
from imagination.

Friday, April 29, 2005

At The Bar

It was great to hear my bro play drums tonight. He was in his element, with the right band, it was really exciting. I'm looking forward to tomorrow nights show at The Coffee Company. They are so tight. AMG is really talented and looked so happy.

It is fun and exciting to make new friends, to be bought a drink, to just enjoy life. Driving home in my new car, I felt really alive.

Deep breath and goodnight.

Monday, April 25, 2005

Boogie Fever

I want to dance more. I was at a wedding tonight and the people that I was there with aren't really into dancing at all. The reception was really fun with a dj playing lots of dance-able tunes. I wanted so badly to get out there and really enjoy it, but when you don't really have anyone to dance with, that's sort of hard. I was twitching and tapping and chair dancing. I finally got out on the floor for a couple of songs with my friend Heidi, although she had a hard time enjoying it because she felt sort of self conscious about it. Not me. I love it. I think I feel more confident dancing than I do making small talk at wedding receptions. This is even without any liquid confidence. I wish there were places to go like my parents had when they were younger...everyone went and danced and had a good time. Now, most places to dance are also total meat markets where you can feel the eyes penetrating your clothes. yucky. Anyway, I REALLY hope that if I ever meet that special someone, that he likes to dance...or is at least willing to humor me once in a while.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

somethin i wrote

I'm not sure about the title and may continue to revise it, but here's something:


Bursting to life with expectation;
A tree starts to bloom,
A carnival pulls into town.

Reality strikes it’s toxic blow;
Hot breath in the ear,
A pain throbbing deep in the chest.

Adapting to life’s changing seasons;
Normal takes fresh shape,
A life morphs into something new

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Under the Blossom Tree

I don't normally take breaks at work, but today I took a sanity break went for a short walk around our office complex. At the end of the walk, I sat for a few moments on the bench in the little cove between buildings. I layed back and looked up at the blossoms on the tree with the bright blue sky behind them and cried.

I saw the Pizza Guy movie...FINALLY. It made me laugh, which I needed. I'm going to work on getting everyone I know to see it...starting with my friends at work. Pizza comes first, comes first. : )

Monday, April 11, 2005

Audible Sigh

Sometimes it doesn't take a lot to shake me. I can be so faithless. I feel like the snowglobe being shook and shook. The good part is that after all the shaking there is that beautiful scene. All is beautiful, calm and peaceful. I feel like I am stealing this analogy, but I'm not sure where from. describes how I'm feeling lately and how I hope to feel in the end of this life season.

My disturbing dreams continued last night and made their way into the "real world" today. It is all going to be o.k. It always ends up o.k. The getting there takes my breath away, though...not in the good the feeling like your lungs are being squished way. I am not usually the one plagued with feelings of anxiety. Weird.

Deep breath in, deep breath out.

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Here on a sunny day

I'm hoping this comng week is calm. I know, I know. It's not going to happen. It would be nice, though.

Last week I had a lot of nightmares...tornadoes were involved on several occasions. I also dreamt I forgot some important details involved with Karen's wedding. I drank more coffee than usual and felt pretty terrible physically by the end of the week.

Yesterday was good. I drove to State College for my friend Jody's Bridal Shower. It was really wonderful having the scenic drive all to myself to clear my head and listen to whatever showed up on the radio dial. There was some James Taylor, Led Zeppelin, Usher, oh and I popped in a tape that I found that wasn't labeled...very funny...Geoff Moore and the Distance on one side and the Aladdin soundtrack on the other. EWWWWWWwwwwww. Definitely made that in college when I had a crush on this guy who had a thing with Disney. Any guesses who anyone? (email me)

Today, another gorgeous day...I should be outside frolicking but I have just felt like lumbering around the apartment. If I was at home in VT, I would DEFINITELY be either out on the back patio or out on the front porch staring...there's nothing alluring about doing that from my apartment deck.

The message at church today was about running from God. I don't fall into that category...more of putting God on the back burner. That is really intelligent, huh. It's like He keeps tapping me on the shoulder and I put up my index finger with a "Wait a minute" tone. It's amazing that He keeps waiting.

I watched Sideways and a couple of episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm from Season 2 today. All touched on themes of deception and where that will get you...nowhere. Paul Giamatie was great in Sideways.

A few quiet hours left to the weekend. Hopefully tonights sleep will be full of sweet and peaceful dreams.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005


I have a memory of when I was a little girl involving a tractor trailer truck. My family was driving into the little town of Swanton, Vermont. I was in the back seat with my brother. We were probably picking at each other as we often did in the car. My dad made some comment about the trucker that pulled out behind us. He must have cut someone off or done something...but I felt my dad's frustration and decided to make it known by giving the trucker the finger. I can't remember if Aaron told on me or I was caught by my parents. I honestly didn't even know what it meant except that it let people know you are really really angry. Oops. My parents went on to tell me that it was very rude and very dangerous to do. Something to the effect of "it's dangerous to egg on truckers". I was immediately instilled with the dread that he was going to find us and run us off the road or something.

As life went on, I had a pretty decent sized fear of truckers. On the highway, I would tense up if one pulled up beside me. If I was in the middle of 3 lanes and was sandwiched between two trucks I would hold my breath and slow down to get out of that precarious position. If I was going for a walk and a truck went by, I was sure they would pull over and steal me. college my car broke down on the side of I-76 on the way to Philadelphia. I was with Rene, I think her name was??? It was before every Tom, Dick, Harry...or Stacey had cell phones, so we were screwed...until...a big Mack Truck pulls up. "You girls need a hand". GULP. We went back and forth quickly with our eyes, then realized how unsafe we were on the shoulder of the highway in the dark. At least there were two of us. So, we got in the truck. The man was very kind. He took us to the next exit to a gas station and was on his way. We had even talked about the nervousness we felt getting into his truck and he reminded us that most truckers are on a strict schedule and were all business...not to fear.

Another time, my friend Karen and I were stranded in Nashville. We ended up riding several miles with a towtruck driver to the appropriate Saturn dealership (I think that's where we were heading). He was a very funny southern man with enough stories to keep you laughing for days.

All of this came to mind this morning as I was laying in bed, wishing away the alarm clock. I heard in the distance...either on the highway or the road that passes my apartment complex the sound of a truckers horn in the rhythm of the secret knock...honk honk honkhonkhonk honk honk. It sounded so friendly I could practically see the trucker grinning with a big cup o joe in his hand.

Prejudices are so silly.

Monday, April 04, 2005

Classy Move

Friday night I was out with a couple of couples. I had a really good time. We were at a little place called Cherry's in an alley off Duke St in Lancaster. It's pretty nice. I wouldn't have even known that it was there. (and I just noticed I actually have a coupon for a couple of meals there, score for next time). I really appreciated that one of the men bought me a couple of drinks. As a single woman in my 30's it is a real treat to have someone be that thoughtful. Most of my married friends do a really good job of keeping me from feeling like a third wheel...or fifth wheel, etc. Heck, my single guy friends are great, too. I am not so "just one of the guys" as I used to be. Now I think I'm actually one of the "justs" involved. It also helps when you aren't "crushinn on" any of the guys in your circles of friends. Admittedly, that hasn't always been the case for me.