I realize that that the heaviness of world events, excessive binge watching of a certain tv drama, poor choice in eating fast food the night before, and an excessively angst-y running playlist all played into this particularly emotionally charged and difficult time on the pavement. Plus... like everyone else, I'm going through my own personal stuff. Go figure. Thankfully, I did have the beauty of the trees and river to distract me somein the midst of the inner shouting... and a final whispering in my ear.
"Nothing is wasted."
After I spent most of that hour being accused by
"Nothing is Wasted".
Not those hurts, not that battle, not that surgery, not that life so much shorter than seemed fair, not these tears, that relationship, not this super slow run, or caving to those french fries or anything else... even the leaves that have fallen from the trees have purpose.
There is a bigger picture. There are things I cannot or should not know. There are whys, whens, hows, wheres, and who's that I could never understand. I can be alert, wise, grow in depth of understanding and insight, become stronger and hopefully not repeat the things that are mistakes.
Really, my heart has actually been VERY encouraged recently. I am seeing God answer lots of prayers and keeping promises made. I have seen hopeless scenarios somehow turn out for the good. I am mostly joyful, hopeful and excited about life in the every day. Yet still, those accusations return. When they do, I am thankful to be armed with truth including all that is wrapped up in the words of Romans 8... no condemnation, freedom, Jesus, life, hope, intercession, salvation, victory, love. I am thankful for that still small voice.
None of this is wasted. Take heart oh my soul. Take heart brothers and sisters.