Yesterday, I was at the Dr. about a tough batch of poison ivy and also to continue to treat a chronic infection called pouchitis and some other symptoms I've been having related to my digestive surgery stuff. After seeing a nurse and then a student, my nurse practitioner finally came in for my consultatation. When she walked into the room she asked if she could give me a hug ... knowing that I've been through it the past few months and seen much too much of their office.
Anyone who deals with chronic pain, immune deficiencies, or any other ongoing or recurring physical or mental/emotional anguish knows that you just can't explain how you feel most days. You get tired of trying to rate your comfort/discomfort on a scale because your scale is different ... Who knows what feeling good feels like?? It's exhausting trying to label it. I NEVER know what to say or how to explain how I feel to my peers or even the Dr. But strangely... most times you might not know whether I'm having a day that's a 3, 5 or 10 and I don't think it's just me covering it up... though I do grit my teeth and bare it from time to time.
I get a lot of comments from people about the fact that I tend toward the cheerful and the positive/hopeful attitude. I realize that it can be borderline annoying when I offer the silver lining to those struggling/feeling down. My parents say I was extra smiley and happy even as a baby.
Tonight it dawned on me that these aspects of who I am is actually and only the Grace that God has so kindly given me in order to sustain through the surgeries, medications, embarrassing emergency moments, exhaustion, pain, disappointment etc etc. Thank you God!!! His ways are still very confusing to me, I won't lie. But I am convinced that the ONLY reason I have retained sanity and not barrelled into a pit of sadness and frustration is that God has given me this gift of grace in making me joyful and that has become my strength since I was quite young with unexplainable tummy aches, pains and health stuff.
What grace(s) have you been given? What gifting, trait, or even person has he provided you with to help bring balance to your struggles? Discernment? Strength? A certain friend? Will Power? Confidence? Level Headedness? Humor? Ability? Compassion? Courage Creativity? Health? A Talent? The list never ends. I belive we all have things that, whether we realize it or not, are part of our armour... these things are the grace that we've been given to get through and even thrive in the midst of our personal battles.
