Yesterday, I was at the Dr. about a tough batch of poison ivy and also to continue to treat a chronic infection called pouchitis and some other symptoms I've been having related to my digestive surgery stuff. After seeing a nurse and then a student, my nurse practitioner finally came in for my consultatation. When she walked into the room she asked if she could give me a hug ... knowing that I've been through it the past few months and seen much too much of their office.
Anyone who deals with chronic pain, immune deficiencies, or any other ongoing or recurring physical or mental/emotional anguish knows that you just can't explain how you feel most days. You get tired of trying to rate your comfort/discomfort on a scale because your scale is different ... Who knows what feeling good feels like?? It's exhausting trying to label it. I NEVER know what to say or how to explain how I feel to my peers or even the Dr. But strangely... most times you might not know whether I'm having a day that's a 3, 5 or 10 and I don't think it's just me covering it up... though I do grit my teeth and bare it from time to time.
I get a lot of comments from people about the fact that I tend toward the cheerful and the positive/hopeful attitude. I realize that it can be borderline annoying when I offer the silver lining to those struggling/feeling down. My parents say I was extra smiley and happy even as a baby.
Tonight it dawned on me that these aspects of who I am is actually and only the Grace that God has so kindly given me in order to sustain through the surgeries, medications, embarrassing emergency moments, exhaustion, pain, disappointment etc etc. Thank you God!!! His ways are still very confusing to me, I won't lie. But I am convinced that the ONLY reason I have retained sanity and not barrelled into a pit of sadness and frustration is that God has given me this gift of grace in making me joyful and that has become my strength since I was quite young with unexplainable tummy aches, pains and health stuff.
What grace(s) have you been given? What gifting, trait, or even person has he provided you with to help bring balance to your struggles? Discernment? Strength? A certain friend? Will Power? Confidence? Level Headedness? Humor? Ability? Compassion? Courage Creativity? Health? A Talent? The list never ends. I belive we all have things that, whether we realize it or not, are part of our armour... these things are the grace that we've been given to get through and even thrive in the midst of our personal battles.
Friday, July 18, 2014
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
More Years Is A Good Thing
As most of you know, I work in radio. We almost always have a drawing or contest of some sort at our live events. There is an entry field for age on our contest entry forms. We actually don't record that information anywhere; we use it for prize selection and for the types of letters that we send... so that a 52 year old doesn't get a Veggie Tales DVD, etc. Inevitably, though, we will have a woman at most events who declares "I'm NOT giving you my age" or some similar comment. It always strikes me as funny. What's the big deal? Isn't it a blessing to gain years? I mean really, if our age isn't increasing... then we are dead. Who decided that age was something to be embarrassed or ashamed of?
Getting older hasn't bothered me much. Maybe it's because most people associate declining health with increased age and I dealt with some serious health issues early on? Perhaps it's due to the fact that I have gained some confidence and self awareness in the last several years (Thank you Jesus). Whatever the reason, I keep finding that I actually am enjoying life MORE the older I get.
We have an opportunity to give hope to the next generations by living our lives joyfully at every stage. Think about your phase of life and the possibilities that lie ahead. How can you be a good steward with your life and your time? What impact can you make? What can you do now that you could not do before? What can you try? These are much more worthwhile things to focus on than fretting about wrinkles, gray hair or what you may have missed along the way! (Disclaimer: In all honesty, I do sometimes fret and ask God why about things that have not happened in my life yet)
When I was little, I spent a decent amount of time around my great grandmother who we affectionately called "Nanny". Nanny was a "no nonsense" and spunky kind of woman. (She also made the most delicious dinner rolls that cannot be replicated). My 92 year old great grandmother had beautiful long silver hair and I remember thinking I wanted to look just like her when I got older and that I would never dye my hair for the sake of coloring over grey. Well, I'll admit once the wiry little suckers started to appear two by two like the animals entering the ark... I did start to color my hair... but I hope and plan to live with spunk, grace and impact ... and to age with grace. I'm happy to report that I'm almost 39. Next year is 40. That's something to celebrate... not dread!
Getting older hasn't bothered me much. Maybe it's because most people associate declining health with increased age and I dealt with some serious health issues early on? Perhaps it's due to the fact that I have gained some confidence and self awareness in the last several years (Thank you Jesus). Whatever the reason, I keep finding that I actually am enjoying life MORE the older I get.
We have an opportunity to give hope to the next generations by living our lives joyfully at every stage. Think about your phase of life and the possibilities that lie ahead. How can you be a good steward with your life and your time? What impact can you make? What can you do now that you could not do before? What can you try? These are much more worthwhile things to focus on than fretting about wrinkles, gray hair or what you may have missed along the way! (Disclaimer: In all honesty, I do sometimes fret and ask God why about things that have not happened in my life yet)
When I was little, I spent a decent amount of time around my great grandmother who we affectionately called "Nanny". Nanny was a "no nonsense" and spunky kind of woman. (She also made the most delicious dinner rolls that cannot be replicated). My 92 year old great grandmother had beautiful long silver hair and I remember thinking I wanted to look just like her when I got older and that I would never dye my hair for the sake of coloring over grey. Well, I'll admit once the wiry little suckers started to appear two by two like the animals entering the ark... I did start to color my hair... but I hope and plan to live with spunk, grace and impact ... and to age with grace. I'm happy to report that I'm almost 39. Next year is 40. That's something to celebrate... not dread!
Thursday, October 03, 2013
Keeping the Scales Balanced
I feel like I often will get a pretty good handle on one thing in my little world but then inevitably I let others slide.
This past year as I have celebrated some milestones in fitness, I have also gotten behind in some other important facets of my life. I'm trying to regroup and gain ground, but it makes me kinda nervous that as I focus and make some strides I'll lose focus on the areas I'm doing well. I know that doesn't have to be the case.
I think that exercise has become enough of a way of life for me that I'll be ok, but fear does creep in. As the Half Marathon draws near and the holidays follow right behind, I really have to stay motivated so I don't lose focus. I also need to make my other goals just as much a priority as my running and fitness goals.
Time to pray for balance and consistency (again)!
This past year as I have celebrated some milestones in fitness, I have also gotten behind in some other important facets of my life. I'm trying to regroup and gain ground, but it makes me kinda nervous that as I focus and make some strides I'll lose focus on the areas I'm doing well. I know that doesn't have to be the case.
I think that exercise has become enough of a way of life for me that I'll be ok, but fear does creep in. As the Half Marathon draws near and the holidays follow right behind, I really have to stay motivated so I don't lose focus. I also need to make my other goals just as much a priority as my running and fitness goals.
Time to pray for balance and consistency (again)!
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Noticing the Beautiful Bank Teller
There is a certain teller at our bank that greets me with an enthusiastic hello and smile each and every time I come in. Each and every time. She listens to WJTL (the radio station that I work at) and was more than excited when we moved to the area and started coming in to her branch. I often leave the bank feeling joyfully overwhelmed by her friendliness and sincerity as she asks questions and mentions favorite songs.
Today when I walked into the bank I was being taken care of at another window, but heard a familiar friendly voice nearby. There was my friendly teller with a big smile, a brightly colored scarf around her neck and a head topped with beautiful glowing baldness. How had I missed it. She had been gone several weeks as she was treated for chemotherapy. Before I had the chance to say hello first, she asked me about Lisa Landis, one of my co-workers who has struggled with her own health battle this summer. I updated her on Lisa and she then shared how the timing coincided with her own journey with Cancer.
I had to wonder how many times she had served me in the Spring with her friendly smile while dealing with her battle on the inside? How many weeks was she fighting back tears while I possibly not so patiently waited for her to handle my deposits and banking needs? As I left the bank, I teared up a little as I was reminded that we are all fighting our own battles on the inside. I know there are days that I struggle with my own things that make it a little tougher to smile and be friendly. Sometimes you want someone to ask and sometimes you just need someone to smile back.
It was another good reminder to love my neighbor, extend extra grace, and give the benefit of the doubt. I want to walk around with my eyes open and notice when someone needs a little extra. Those are the moments when God is able to move through us ... when we notice the beautiful bank teller, the clerk at the grocery store, or the tired person walking past on the street.
Today when I walked into the bank I was being taken care of at another window, but heard a familiar friendly voice nearby. There was my friendly teller with a big smile, a brightly colored scarf around her neck and a head topped with beautiful glowing baldness. How had I missed it. She had been gone several weeks as she was treated for chemotherapy. Before I had the chance to say hello first, she asked me about Lisa Landis, one of my co-workers who has struggled with her own health battle this summer. I updated her on Lisa and she then shared how the timing coincided with her own journey with Cancer.
I had to wonder how many times she had served me in the Spring with her friendly smile while dealing with her battle on the inside? How many weeks was she fighting back tears while I possibly not so patiently waited for her to handle my deposits and banking needs? As I left the bank, I teared up a little as I was reminded that we are all fighting our own battles on the inside. I know there are days that I struggle with my own things that make it a little tougher to smile and be friendly. Sometimes you want someone to ask and sometimes you just need someone to smile back.
It was another good reminder to love my neighbor, extend extra grace, and give the benefit of the doubt. I want to walk around with my eyes open and notice when someone needs a little extra. Those are the moments when God is able to move through us ... when we notice the beautiful bank teller, the clerk at the grocery store, or the tired person walking past on the street.
Friday, September 06, 2013
Getting There: The Journey Explained
Last night I posted this before and after picstitch on Facebook and Instagram. It was so encouraging to see all the likes and comments. I have good people in my life who have loved me well along the way.
The before pictures were taken back in 2002/2003 so it's been a good 10 years, about 100 lbs, a large intestine removal, and half a thyroid removal under the bridge since I was at my heaviest. :) Since then, I roller-coastered on the Atkins diet (losing 100, gaining back probably 50 or 60 of that) and for a while after that continued yo-yo-ing my weight. I had been on diets/weight loss plans/drag your ass out of bed and go for a walk schemes since I was in grade school. Sixth grade: Weight Watchers. Nuff said.
It's been the past few years where I have re-lost the weight and found a steady-ish pace of healthy weight loss and maintenance. I am actually, finally proud of myself when I look in the mirror. I had been too embarrassed to show the worst of my before pictures for quite a long while. Then I came to the point where I carried them around with me for reference to show how far I've come... then pulled them out to show people here and there and now posting for all to see. I admit that there is still that part of me that fears that when people who "didn't know me when" will judge me when they see them. But again, I was also on prednisone and struggling with Ulcerative Colitis at it's worst when I was at my heaviest weight. (but also eating junk food like it was my job).
I am a small framed person, and I realize that I still have a good amount of weight to lose to be at a totally healthy size for me. But, I'm actually getting there! In the past couple of months it has been especially encouraging to have a few people who struggle with their own weight actually ask ME how I did it. Weird but awesome.
First of all... God. Hours and tears and prayer and comfort and whispers from the Holy Spirit are the most important thing that I have in every aspect of my life. It is possible (for many reasons) that I would not be alive if it weren't for God's strength both in my health and emotions. He gets the glory for this and for everything.
Also, I found activities that I enjoy and they led me to finding other activities that I enjoy and so on. Then it went from fun to wanting to challenge myself. I started swing dancing and blues dancing very regularly. Then, my friend Erica introduced me to my favorite work out ever: Les Mills Body Jam at Universal Athletic. LOVE IT. There are 3 instructors in particular (Kate, Sarah, Sheldon) that make that class especially fun and motivating for me. I started adding in Body Pump and trying out other classes. Then, 2 years ago I went through the Couch 2 5K running program. I NEVER HAD RUN! I decided I was done with the word can't and figured I'd try it out and even signed up for a 5K to work toward. I have now run tons of 5ks, 5 milers, some 10ks and am training for my 2nd half marathon in November and even looking ahead at challenging myself to running a full marathon, hopefully before turning 40 in December 2014.
So, I guess I am posting this for a few reasons... to acknowledge where I've come from. I'm proud of myself. Grandma might think that this was inappropriate to say out loud. :D But I think this kind of pride is ok once in a while. Also, I hope this encourages or inspires someone to have fun on the journey... get active and eat healthy but enjoy it!!! Then challenge yourself beyond what you think you can do ... and heck yes there are lots of days where you just have to go do the hard thing... but it's so worth it when you realize you are actually doing it and getting there!!!
The before pictures were taken back in 2002/2003 so it's been a good 10 years, about 100 lbs, a large intestine removal, and half a thyroid removal under the bridge since I was at my heaviest. :) Since then, I roller-coastered on the Atkins diet (losing 100, gaining back probably 50 or 60 of that) and for a while after that continued yo-yo-ing my weight. I had been on diets/weight loss plans/drag your ass out of bed and go for a walk schemes since I was in grade school. Sixth grade: Weight Watchers. Nuff said.
It's been the past few years where I have re-lost the weight and found a steady-ish pace of healthy weight loss and maintenance. I am actually, finally proud of myself when I look in the mirror. I had been too embarrassed to show the worst of my before pictures for quite a long while. Then I came to the point where I carried them around with me for reference to show how far I've come... then pulled them out to show people here and there and now posting for all to see. I admit that there is still that part of me that fears that when people who "didn't know me when" will judge me when they see them. But again, I was also on prednisone and struggling with Ulcerative Colitis at it's worst when I was at my heaviest weight. (but also eating junk food like it was my job).
I am a small framed person, and I realize that I still have a good amount of weight to lose to be at a totally healthy size for me. But, I'm actually getting there! In the past couple of months it has been especially encouraging to have a few people who struggle with their own weight actually ask ME how I did it. Weird but awesome.
First of all... God. Hours and tears and prayer and comfort and whispers from the Holy Spirit are the most important thing that I have in every aspect of my life. It is possible (for many reasons) that I would not be alive if it weren't for God's strength both in my health and emotions. He gets the glory for this and for everything.
Also, I found activities that I enjoy and they led me to finding other activities that I enjoy and so on. Then it went from fun to wanting to challenge myself. I started swing dancing and blues dancing very regularly. Then, my friend Erica introduced me to my favorite work out ever: Les Mills Body Jam at Universal Athletic. LOVE IT. There are 3 instructors in particular (Kate, Sarah, Sheldon) that make that class especially fun and motivating for me. I started adding in Body Pump and trying out other classes. Then, 2 years ago I went through the Couch 2 5K running program. I NEVER HAD RUN! I decided I was done with the word can't and figured I'd try it out and even signed up for a 5K to work toward. I have now run tons of 5ks, 5 milers, some 10ks and am training for my 2nd half marathon in November and even looking ahead at challenging myself to running a full marathon, hopefully before turning 40 in December 2014.
So, I guess I am posting this for a few reasons... to acknowledge where I've come from. I'm proud of myself. Grandma might think that this was inappropriate to say out loud. :D But I think this kind of pride is ok once in a while. Also, I hope this encourages or inspires someone to have fun on the journey... get active and eat healthy but enjoy it!!! Then challenge yourself beyond what you think you can do ... and heck yes there are lots of days where you just have to go do the hard thing... but it's so worth it when you realize you are actually doing it and getting there!!!
 |
| Swing Dancing at The Quarter in Harrisburg 2009 |
 |
| Kate teaching Body Jam at Universal |
 | ||||
| My first ever 5K: Race Against Racism 2010 |
 | |||||||||
| Finishing OBX Half Marathon 2012 |
 |
| Playing a silly game at a family reunion summer 2013 |
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
10 x 40
"Goals are Dreams with Deadlines"
December 23, 2014 I turn 40. I have a year and 4(+) months... almost a year and a half. I've made 10 attainable but decent sized goals to shoot for by 40.
1. Sky Dive : Have had opportunities but not the cash. (need to save $): DONE: AMAZING
2. Get up on water skis, finally... I have tried numerous times in years past... didn't have an opportunity to try yet this year... but Im' hopeful since Ive been doing more strength training that this could become easier. Tried: will try again
3. Run a marathon
4. pay off school loan (that is getting closer)
5. learn to drive stick... had a lesson once YEARS ago' UPDATE: HAD ONE TRY AT IT. STILL NEEDS WORK
6. Travel somewhere new
7. Learn/Try surfing
8. Do push ups on my toes
9. Hike a decent mountain. Of course I've hiked but it's been a while since I've REALLY hiked...
10. Run a 10 minute mile 5k
December 23, 2014 I turn 40. I have a year and 4(+) months... almost a year and a half. I've made 10 attainable but decent sized goals to shoot for by 40.
2. Get up on water skis, finally... I have tried numerous times in years past... didn't have an opportunity to try yet this year... but Im' hopeful since Ive been doing more strength training that this could become easier. Tried: will try again
3. Run a marathon
5. learn to drive stick... had a lesson once YEARS ago' UPDATE: HAD ONE TRY AT IT. STILL NEEDS WORK
6. Travel somewhere new
7. Learn/Try surfing
8. Do push ups on my toes
9. Hike a decent mountain. Of course I've hiked but it's been a while since I've REALLY hiked...
10. Run a 10 minute mile 5k
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Radical Optimism
I have always been a glass half full kind of girl. I generally trust people and see the good in them until proven otherwise rather than being skeptical. Maybe some would say to the point of naivete in some situations... but I have always liked this quality in myself.
The other night I joined a bunch of ladies to hear from my friend Ashlea as she shared God’s intention for women and our role as influencers. I took so many good notes and can’t stop thinking about various aspects of what she shared. We have a power that can be used for good or for very bad in this role... but that’s for another blog.
One thing that she shared that I have been thinking a lot about is “having a culture of radical optimism”. That’s typically right up my alley... but admittedly as life on this earth scuffs me up and bangs me and the people I love around; it can be easy to fall into the role of doubter/pessimist or what some would say “realist”. Are they who they say they are? Shouldn’t I prepare myself for the worst?
Why is it ok and even right for me to be radically optimistic? Well, since I base my life upon the truth of scripture one place I can turn to is 1 Corinthians 13:7 where it says “ Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. The Message version says “always looks for the best”.
I know that the character of God is to be good. I know that He is Love. I know that He can be trusted. I know that we are to Love God and our neighbor... therefore, I must continue to believe for the best in every situation and understand that in my limited understanding the best may not be what I imagine it to be. I do not mean that I forsake discernment or that I will be unwise... in fact I have key people in my life that I turn to to help me find balance in this area ... but may my first reaction be to believe for the best from God and from others.
The other night I joined a bunch of ladies to hear from my friend Ashlea as she shared God’s intention for women and our role as influencers. I took so many good notes and can’t stop thinking about various aspects of what she shared. We have a power that can be used for good or for very bad in this role... but that’s for another blog.
One thing that she shared that I have been thinking a lot about is “having a culture of radical optimism”. That’s typically right up my alley... but admittedly as life on this earth scuffs me up and bangs me and the people I love around; it can be easy to fall into the role of doubter/pessimist or what some would say “realist”. Are they who they say they are? Shouldn’t I prepare myself for the worst?
Why is it ok and even right for me to be radically optimistic? Well, since I base my life upon the truth of scripture one place I can turn to is 1 Corinthians 13:7 where it says “ Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. The Message version says “always looks for the best”.
I know that the character of God is to be good. I know that He is Love. I know that He can be trusted. I know that we are to Love God and our neighbor... therefore, I must continue to believe for the best in every situation and understand that in my limited understanding the best may not be what I imagine it to be. I do not mean that I forsake discernment or that I will be unwise... in fact I have key people in my life that I turn to to help me find balance in this area ... but may my first reaction be to believe for the best from God and from others.
Thursday, May 02, 2013
Veggies At OUR Office?
This week, I determined to watch what I'm spending; specifically in the area of food. Since I'm single and social I eat on the go a lot. I do a lot of absent minded spending (and eating). (Yes, I need to sit down and make a budget!) I'm also going away next week and so it was the perfect time to concentrate on eating the things that I have on hand. Most of the time, I'm trying to eat healthy... so daily dosages of peanut butter and fluff is probably not the best way to go either... or that teaspoon of nutella that I had before bed last night... but I digress.
Well, this may seem small... but at my office there was actually an extra VEGGIE tray and hummus available to round out lunches. (there are often free goodies, ie the donuts that were here when I arrived today... but produce?? sweet! ) At Gateway House of Prayer there were free bananas and delicious apples available left over from the race this past weekend and pretzels to snack on from a meeting over the weekend. SCORE. Best yet, I've actually really enjoyed eating some of the typically ignored items in my cupboard. I am well aware that my shelves would look like a supermarket to most people in the world. Still, this is a movement in the right direction for me and evidence of God hearing my prayers for help in this area of self discipline, and I am thankful.
Well, this may seem small... but at my office there was actually an extra VEGGIE tray and hummus available to round out lunches. (there are often free goodies, ie the donuts that were here when I arrived today... but produce?? sweet! ) At Gateway House of Prayer there were free bananas and delicious apples available left over from the race this past weekend and pretzels to snack on from a meeting over the weekend. SCORE. Best yet, I've actually really enjoyed eating some of the typically ignored items in my cupboard. I am well aware that my shelves would look like a supermarket to most people in the world. Still, this is a movement in the right direction for me and evidence of God hearing my prayers for help in this area of self discipline, and I am thankful.
Saturday, February 02, 2013
Wealth in the Form of Skin
We used to sing this song at a church I attended that said "When I think of His goodness and what He's done for me; when I think of His goodness and how He set me free I could dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance dance all night" (Then insert shout, praise, clap, etc etc).
I was just thinking about God's goodness in my life... there are SO many facets to His goodness that it's overwhelming. (creation, salvation, provision, health, breath, love, etc etc etc) Today, I am focused on His goodness to me represented by the people and places that me... a girl from rural VT ... has had the privilege to experience. SERIOUSLY?!
I'm only 38... and feel like I have already received a lifetime worth of relationships through some pretty unlikely connections along the way.
May I never lose this wonder and excitement for knowing people. Though there have been some excruciating emotional bumps and bruises along the way; I am so glad that God in His mercy and faithfulness toward me has made it possible for me to keep my heart so wide open. I think I'm learning that even some of the aspects of my life that I have hated... have been for my good in this area... allowing me more of these kinds of opportunities that otherwise I would have missed.
If you were to measure my wealth by looking at my bank account... it would be laughable... and in fact you might have some questions regarding my wisdom :). But today I feel very rich because of the lives I am already so blessed to have rubbed up against and those that are yet to come.
I was just thinking about God's goodness in my life... there are SO many facets to His goodness that it's overwhelming. (creation, salvation, provision, health, breath, love, etc etc etc) Today, I am focused on His goodness to me represented by the people and places that me... a girl from rural VT ... has had the privilege to experience. SERIOUSLY?!
I'm only 38... and feel like I have already received a lifetime worth of relationships through some pretty unlikely connections along the way.
May I never lose this wonder and excitement for knowing people. Though there have been some excruciating emotional bumps and bruises along the way; I am so glad that God in His mercy and faithfulness toward me has made it possible for me to keep my heart so wide open. I think I'm learning that even some of the aspects of my life that I have hated... have been for my good in this area... allowing me more of these kinds of opportunities that otherwise I would have missed.
If you were to measure my wealth by looking at my bank account... it would be laughable... and in fact you might have some questions regarding my wisdom :). But today I feel very rich because of the lives I am already so blessed to have rubbed up against and those that are yet to come.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Heart Stretched
After returning from a whirlwind trip to Ethiopia with Compassion International (see my blogs at my wjtl blog) I am now in that strange place where it feels like my heart is stretched between continents.
With this being my second trip to Ethiopia, it was no longer the shock and awe feeling of visiting Africa for the first time like it was in 2010. I was not nervous. I had a certain understanding of what to expect. There was a level of familiarity, friends to reconnect with and a job to do. I was there to report about the ministry of Compassion International and to encourage our radio listeners to get involved, sponsor a child, pray, and come on a future trip. I found myself very focused on my purpose... with a heightened level of responsibility to do an excellent and comprehensive job of reporting, while also also trying to soak in the time with the kids and my friends there. I felt so alive and in my element. From what friends and family are saying to me, that is evident in photo's and live reports, too. I agree with them. I had trouble sleeping at night... I think beyond the jet lag it was also a subconscious attempt at not wasting any of my time there. (though sleep really would have been helpful).
Once we got to the last day or so of the trip I felt the dread of the end coming too soon. "What! No, I'm not ready to board that plane!!!" Thankfully we had very busy days, so I had little time to focus on those feelings, but they were present and became increasingly more painful as Friday progressed. Since I do have a return trip planned for August this year... I tried not to dwell too much...and I tried to avoid an over dramatic goodbye as I loaded my luggage onto the cart and wheeled up the ramp to the airport with the rest of the team. But, ouch.
Now here I am back home. I'm trying to share my experiences with others... trying to communicate the beauty of this culture alongside expressing the great need and opportunity for people to be a help and an encouragement. I'm preparing for our on air campaign in February, anxiously hoping to reach our goals of getting these kids sponsored ... and counting the days to August.
I'll soon begin to slide back into my life and schedule here ... but I'm also feeling a tugging in my heart... a wondering about what else God has in store for me and for these connections I am forming with this place, these people, this culture. There is more to this story.
I'm also trying to take the core values of child advocacy and live them out now... loving kids, telling them about Jesus, being an encouragement to families, praying!
God help me to make the most of these experiences. God help me to lay all of this at your feet and say thy will be done. God help me to remain open-hearted and open handed... and to never take for granted these experiences or these people that are holding my heart on the other side of the world.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Finding Community
Today I am feeling especially warm... admittedly partially due to the warm wool sweater I am wearing... but more-so because I am really thinking about the blessing of being involved in Community (not the sit-com, either).
There is a longing in my heart for it. First and foremost, communion with God is what my soul hungers and thirsts for. This I know in my very core. This I still neglect far too often.
Today, though, I am talking about the horizontal kind... from person to person. Oh how we want it. To be connected. To be united. To belong. Really, to have family beyond the biological. It doesn't just happen, though.
This morning I was thinking about how we find ourselves in that place of community and how there is an investment required. What a worthwhile investment, though. Last night after our “watch” at Gateway House of Prayer, I was sitting around with our team talking through the details of our music and prayer time. We discussed technical/sound things, the music, songs, etc. and also shared what we sensed overall as we prayed and worshiped. As we were talking we unanimously agreed how much we enjoy the opportunity we have to do this weekly as a consistent team. Now ... there are weeks that even though I know God is worthy and even though I enjoy the time spent with the team and LOVE singing ... some nights I miss having the evening at home, or maybe I get frustrated with certain aspects of the give and take of working with a team, etc etc etc. But the investment and time “sacrifice” is so worth it. I have seen the benefits of consistently coming together with one purpose... we are building community with each other as we invest our time and our hearts. We are also able to be more creative as we trust each other to corporately “go for it” in seeking Gods heart together.
This same sort of thing applies in all spheres of life... my job, my dancing buddies, church, family, school, neighborhood, etc.
Day one of spending time with someone; you rarely, if ever, feel that depth of relationship... it involves vulnerability, giving of self, giving of time, and more. If there is an expectation of feeling included, loved and valued and a part of something, the reality is I must give ... and maybe for a period of time before the pay off of belonging is felt. We also have to realize that along the way we will be bruised, we will say things that bruise others and we will need to be willing to forgive and accept forgiveness. Messy, lovely, exhausting, rewarding ... but to me, community is worth it.
There is a longing in my heart for it. First and foremost, communion with God is what my soul hungers and thirsts for. This I know in my very core. This I still neglect far too often.
Today, though, I am talking about the horizontal kind... from person to person. Oh how we want it. To be connected. To be united. To belong. Really, to have family beyond the biological. It doesn't just happen, though.
This morning I was thinking about how we find ourselves in that place of community and how there is an investment required. What a worthwhile investment, though. Last night after our “watch” at Gateway House of Prayer, I was sitting around with our team talking through the details of our music and prayer time. We discussed technical/sound things, the music, songs, etc. and also shared what we sensed overall as we prayed and worshiped. As we were talking we unanimously agreed how much we enjoy the opportunity we have to do this weekly as a consistent team. Now ... there are weeks that even though I know God is worthy and even though I enjoy the time spent with the team and LOVE singing ... some nights I miss having the evening at home, or maybe I get frustrated with certain aspects of the give and take of working with a team, etc etc etc. But the investment and time “sacrifice” is so worth it. I have seen the benefits of consistently coming together with one purpose... we are building community with each other as we invest our time and our hearts. We are also able to be more creative as we trust each other to corporately “go for it” in seeking Gods heart together.
This same sort of thing applies in all spheres of life... my job, my dancing buddies, church, family, school, neighborhood, etc.
Day one of spending time with someone; you rarely, if ever, feel that depth of relationship... it involves vulnerability, giving of self, giving of time, and more. If there is an expectation of feeling included, loved and valued and a part of something, the reality is I must give ... and maybe for a period of time before the pay off of belonging is felt. We also have to realize that along the way we will be bruised, we will say things that bruise others and we will need to be willing to forgive and accept forgiveness. Messy, lovely, exhausting, rewarding ... but to me, community is worth it.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
The Art of Saying No
I'm constantly learning the art of "No". It's a work in progress.
I had someone ask me to bake something for a church event last week, and was so pleasantly surprised when she THANKED me for saying no. That really was helpful to hear. I really didn't have time and am not even living at home right now, so it would have been really tough to pull off.
This weekend was scheduled full with so many fun things from concerts to day trips to parties. But with dog sitting and feeling a little under the weather; I actually chose to guard my time. For me this is growth... because in the past I would have just gone to as many things as I could until I crashed.
My choices allowed me to spend a little extra time here at the house dog sitting and giving ole Mr. Tumnus the attention he deserves. I was able to get my long run in this morning (8.5 miles... woot, woot). I got to go on a day trip with friends yesterday... but passed on the concert I was REALLY excited about going to in favor of some ice cream and conversation and an early night in watching The Voice on Hulu. (I wept openly while watching it).
So, I missed/am missing some dancing, a game night, a concert, church services, a picnic and a birthday party... but I gained some sanity, some rest and hopefully some health as I keep trying to kick this cold. Now, I'm going to do a little cleaning for the bro and sister in law so they don't come home to a house infested with hair balls... and try to make it an early night, with maybe a walk so that Mr. Tumnus can continue his quest to sniff or pee on every blade of grass and/or tree trunk in Lancaster City.
Welcome new week full of choices, God give me the grace to choose wisely.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Crank It Up
I turn up the volume to drown out the noise
turn up the volume for inspiration
I turn up the volume so I feel the beat
turn up the volume for motivation
Lets turn up the volume on giving out praise
Turn up the volume on jubilation
I'll turn up the volume on telling you thanks
So you can turn up the volume and enjoy the sensation
So shut out the darkness
Can we chill on the snark?
Delete the repetitious negative remarks
Silence the lies we were telling ourselves
and crank up the things that bring life and bring health.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Friday, June 08, 2012
How to Not Miss Out
Ever since I was little I have had the tendancy to worry about missing something. If I was outside playing i wondered what conversation, snack or tv show were they enjoying inside? Go to bed? NO WAY! Not if there is a cool babysitter over doing all the cool things that babysitters SURELY do when the kids go to bed. Etc, etc.
I still struggle with this. Since I am involved with a lot of different streams of people, there are often times when there are 3 or 4 events going on at a time that I would like to be a part of. A party, dance, special service, outting, etc, etc. Many times I will try to figure out how to map my routes, schedule my time and coordinate my wardrobe so that I can make as many things as possible in an effort not to miss anything. The thing that I've found, though, is that by doing so... I often find myself having to leave mid conversation, just as the fun is started, and then arrive at the next place just as things are winding down, etc etc...so in essence... I make it everywhere, but miss out everywhere, too.
I'm trying to learn to be content and be present where I am. Do I still have evenings that I go to more than one place? Sure... but at some point tonight, though I knew I could still make it out to a certain dance after the picnic I was at; I decided not to watch the clock but to fully engage in the conversations and to finish the evening with the people I started it with. I had a great time, got to know some friends better and was able to relax and enjoy the evening just being present.
I want to enjoy every moment, especially the one I'm already in. By doing that, I won't miss anything, really...or if I do, it won't really matter will it?!
I still struggle with this. Since I am involved with a lot of different streams of people, there are often times when there are 3 or 4 events going on at a time that I would like to be a part of. A party, dance, special service, outting, etc, etc. Many times I will try to figure out how to map my routes, schedule my time and coordinate my wardrobe so that I can make as many things as possible in an effort not to miss anything. The thing that I've found, though, is that by doing so... I often find myself having to leave mid conversation, just as the fun is started, and then arrive at the next place just as things are winding down, etc etc...so in essence... I make it everywhere, but miss out everywhere, too.
I'm trying to learn to be content and be present where I am. Do I still have evenings that I go to more than one place? Sure... but at some point tonight, though I knew I could still make it out to a certain dance after the picnic I was at; I decided not to watch the clock but to fully engage in the conversations and to finish the evening with the people I started it with. I had a great time, got to know some friends better and was able to relax and enjoy the evening just being present.
I want to enjoy every moment, especially the one I'm already in. By doing that, I won't miss anything, really...or if I do, it won't really matter will it?!
Friday, June 01, 2012
This morning when I went to pick up my packet for the Red Rose Run tomorrow ( a 5 mile race in my city) I ran into a man that I hadn't seen in a while. We were making small talk and talking about running, etc. when he said, "Yeah, you used to be heavy, didn't you". For some people that would not go over well, but it was encouraging to me. :) It's great to know that the change is noticeable.
Monday, May 28, 2012
Little Things
Two seemingly little things just happened as I was just leaving the gym:
Encouraged.
- a little girl and her mom were walking up the steps in front of me and the little girl was singing a song about how much she loves her mommy and loves to love her mommy. The mom said, that's the best song I have ever heard. I agreed.
- as I was filling my water bottle one of my Jam instructors came up to me and enthusiastically complimented me. I left there feeling so accomplished and proud.
Encouraged.
Friday, May 25, 2012
Changed
As I was leaving the gym this morning I thought to myself, "if you would have told me a couple of years ago that one of the best things about taking Fridays as my vacation days was going to be getting to take my favorite class (Les Mills Body Jam) at the gym an extra time each week... well that wouldn't have even been in my realm of thinking. If you would have even suggested that running in local 5K races would have become a hobby for me ... I don't think I even would have known what the length of a 5K was, to be honest. (math...or gym were never my strong subjects)
What has happened? I have changed. This is not something that I could have done myself. To me, it's nothing short of a miracle. You have to understand (and many readers here know)... I have been out of shape my entire life. Between genetics, loving to eat, being waaaay laid back, and my struggles with Ulcerative Colitis and Thyroid Disease... it was so hard, maybe more emotionally than physically.
I have changed. God has changed me. I can say that with my whole heart. Thank you God for changing my mind... from one who says I can't to one who says I am going to challenge myself to do that. You know what, this is yet another proof to me that my God answers prayer. If I looked back through my journals, I know that there were time after time that I prayed and asked God for help with my health, with my weight, with my motivation, with my confidence. He does answer, and I'm so thankful.
I am registered to run the OBX Half Marathon with my good friend Melody Strayer this November. I have my training calendar all ready to go (it kicks in in August) and until then I'll be trying to add miles to my typical 3-4 mile runs each week layered in with the classes that I take at the gym and of course dancing as much as I can. I know that I will be counting on God to help me stretch my endurance, increase my motivation and literally change my body as I go through this process.
I appreciate your prayers and encouragement along the way, too.
(I post all of my runs on RunKeeper and Dailymile.com and share them on Facebook, ad nauseum, perhaps to some... but it's my way of keeping myself honest with how much/how far/how fast I'm running.)
What has happened? I have changed. This is not something that I could have done myself. To me, it's nothing short of a miracle. You have to understand (and many readers here know)... I have been out of shape my entire life. Between genetics, loving to eat, being waaaay laid back, and my struggles with Ulcerative Colitis and Thyroid Disease... it was so hard, maybe more emotionally than physically.
I have changed. God has changed me. I can say that with my whole heart. Thank you God for changing my mind... from one who says I can't to one who says I am going to challenge myself to do that. You know what, this is yet another proof to me that my God answers prayer. If I looked back through my journals, I know that there were time after time that I prayed and asked God for help with my health, with my weight, with my motivation, with my confidence. He does answer, and I'm so thankful.
I am registered to run the OBX Half Marathon with my good friend Melody Strayer this November. I have my training calendar all ready to go (it kicks in in August) and until then I'll be trying to add miles to my typical 3-4 mile runs each week layered in with the classes that I take at the gym and of course dancing as much as I can. I know that I will be counting on God to help me stretch my endurance, increase my motivation and literally change my body as I go through this process.
I appreciate your prayers and encouragement along the way, too.
(I post all of my runs on RunKeeper and Dailymile.com and share them on Facebook, ad nauseum, perhaps to some... but it's my way of keeping myself honest with how much/how far/how fast I'm running.)
Thursday, January 05, 2012
Love Don't Come Easy?
I was listening to Adele yesterday and in one of her songs she says "I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart". I paused. Hm. For me, it is the opposite.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
I went into the supermarket the other day to get some soup and a banana for lunch. (Man do I need to go grocery shopping). As I was walking in I saw seasonal decorations, mums, some sort of smelly potpourri, and pumpkins... but wait... double take... the pumpkins were all painted.
Now, maybe I'm old fashioned, but isn't the fun part to get the pumpins and then painting or carving them out yourself? Please tell me parents aren't buying the pre-done Elmo pumpkin instead of painting their own.
Sigh.
Now, maybe I'm old fashioned, but isn't the fun part to get the pumpins and then painting or carving them out yourself? Please tell me parents aren't buying the pre-done Elmo pumpkin instead of painting their own.
Sigh.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)