Ch Ch Ch Ch Changes (Turn and Face the Strain)

Tooo Muccchh caffffeeeiine.

Hm, I wonder when U2 will announce who they are touring with in the fall. Oh the crucial questions that plague my mind. I keep obsessively checking their website.

I've been a bit of an emotional basketcase today. Not outwardly...all inside. Conflicting thoughts of..."hey, give ME attention", but then..."I hope everyone just leaves me alone" went through my head all day at work. I am thankful that I had it together enough not to blurt out some of the things I was thinking. As it is, I hear myself sighing out loud far too often...not out of disatisfaction, really...I think I just get overwhelmed with all my weird thoughts or something. There's gotta be a way to hold that sighing in...although that would probably involve holding in harmful oxides of some sort...or something...but sometimes others hear me sigh and I then feel guilty. Self inflicted guilt, of course. (weird guilt and anxiety runs in my family) I'm such a weirdo.

Tomorrow is Wednesday, already...and June...JUNE. WHOA. I have a lot to make sense of the next couple of months. I hope my little disorganized mind can get it's act together. What I really need to do is make time for quiet time...this morning I had set my alarm a little early to get up and go walking. Walking is usually a wonderful opportunity for me to do this...unfortunately, when my alarm went off I was all confused and forgot why on earth it could possibly be going off...and turned it off. I think I'll do a take 2 tomorrow. I loved my evening walks in college. My favorite music to walk to was a tape with the 77's Sticks and Stones on one side and Dream Academy on the other... "indian...indian summer..." I need to find that tape. I'm sure I have it somewhere.

Good News

YIPPPPPPEEEEEEE. I have a new apartment, a new roommate, and I can finally buy an I Love City Life bumper sticker without feeling like a fraud. : ) Ok, maybe I'll wait a few months on that...

Trying Not to Obsess

I'm panicked. The potential landlord called today to check on our decision. They REALLY want my roommate and I as tenants, but they do have other people looking. I called my roomie today and she is still unsure...supposed to call me tonight. She has called on a couple of other places with no return call. I'm afraid to put this one on hold. I am so afraid of losing this place. I am quite sure that there is not a place that will be as nice as this one. I need to relax. I'm trying to be a little more assertive about this, which is not in my nature. My first response was, "ok, whatever, I'm open to looking"...but I confessed to her today that I really really like this place...enough to take the smaller bedroom (which is really not that small...he reminded me today that they do have a lot of furniture crammed in there which could make it look smaller than it really is. But, really...the place has a dining room AND living room. There is tons of space to spread out. PLUS the laundry room. Ay Yi Yi. (i don't know how to really spell that).

Transition is scary.

I wonder if I will ever get used to the scars on my stomach.

But, I'm Not YET

Today is Mothers Day and I feel like I cheated. At church they gave out flowers and little notepads to all women over 18 and then at Walmart they gave out roses to all the women who look like they could possibly be of child bearing age. It's a nice gesture...but I am not a mom yet. It's kind of like receiving the quilt from my Meme at graduation. She usually gives those to the grandkids at their weddings, but she wasn't sure she'd be alive for mine. Well...she's still alive...

I just watched On Golden Pond. What a simple, beautiful movie. It's actually a good film for Mothers Day. Katherine Hepburn portrays a mother full of spunk, honesty and unconditional love...even for her husband who she refers to as "an old poop" The scenery reminded me so much of our family trip to Northern Canada when I was little. From the sparkling lakes to the sound of the loons.

It's time to start planning a trip to VT. I really miss my parents.

050505

I didn't realize until half way through the day that the date was pretty interesting and that it is/was Cinco de Mayo. What the...

Well, I learned a pretty big lesson tonight. LOOK FOR THE DAMN WEDDING RING!!! (to be honest, I still haven't noticed it. I think his hand might have been in his pocket or something but I didn't see one). The Nice boy that bought me a drink last week was at my brothers concert again. He was once again super friendly and attentive. The minute he got there he sat by me, was talking to me, followed me to the bar, etc. Good, fun, sweet conversation...then, I asked him about if he had roommates, and he says "just my wife". (insert sinister music here). I feel like an ass.

On another note. Once again, my brothers band was fantastic. I will go out to see them again. I'll even chat with my newfound, married friend. Bring your wife out once in a while, for goodness sake. Where the heck is she?

BONUS...I got to chat with my friend Jenny. We are going to try to make a point to get together. I've been wanting that to happen for awhile. This time, we actually exchanged phone numbers.

I can't believe it's 2 am. This month has been surreal. What the heck is going on?

Roommate Scene

I just ate wings. It was sort of scary. They weren't the little wings that I normally get...perfect for dipping into bleu cheese...they were wings. They looked like they could flap away. It was sort of frightening to me.

I was out with a friend of mine whom I am in talks with about getting an apartment with downtown at the end of July. We're that level of friends where we know each other fairly casually, hang out once in a while, but definitely get along well and have some things in common...yet our lives don't really intersect all that often. I'm nervous, though. The selfish 30 year old in me says I should be getting my own place so I can do what I want, decorate how I want, and not have to answer to anyone about anything. Then there's the side of me that thinks it could be fun, challenging, might encourage me to live neater, and a good move financially. Decisions, decisions.

She said tonight that she was 75% yes. I think that's about where I am, too...so that's good, right?

I